I AM Still Sovereign

My Pastor and Apostle always say “you are the first partaker of your words” which basically mean that whatever you speak or preach you must first experience or practice. With this knowledge, I was definitely aware that when I started a blog about being content and having faith I myself would be challenged by every word I typed and boy did the challenge come. In the past few weeks, I found myself battling with depression, rejection, disappointment, and discontentment. It felt like I was dying on the inside. I fought to hold it all together but in reality, my heart couldn’t take anymore. I didn’t want to hear another no, I didn’t want to struggle to pass another test, I didn’t want to do anything! So I did nothing… Actually, I did do something, I indulged in what made me feel happy. I escaped to my place of comfort where no responsibilities can find me. I spent hours on social media, I watched funny movies all day, I stayed in my apartment and didn’t come out unless I absolutely had to. I was drowned in distractions. I should rephrase that, I am drowned in distractions.

I am still in that place. For some reason, it is so much easier to talk about things that I’ve been through and overcome than it is to talk about where I currently am. The real challenge of transparency is being open and honest while you’re still going through. The true challenge lies in continuing a blog about contentment even when you yourself don’t feel content. Fighting through my feelings is the test I’ve had to endure. I’ve passed some and I’ve failed some but what keeps me getting back up even after I fail is remembering that no matter how I feel, what I see, how long I stay in my situation, how unfair it may seem to me, the truth of the matter is God still has power over heaven and earth.

When I started this blog I said I didn’t want to make it to “churchy” or “religious” but for me, I’m finding it to be impossible to talk about my journey without talking about my God. No matter how big my pain, hurt, and disappointments may seem He still has all authority to allow whatever he pleases for His glory and His will. It is not up to me to feel obligated that he move on my behalf. All good things, all of the love, all of the grace, all of the mercy is not because of who I am and what I’ve done but because of who He is and the act of Jesus Christ dying on the cross.

“Nevertheless, pain and suffering are a real part of our lives, and we cannot help wondering sometimes “Why?” The answer lies in God’s all-knowing character who knows better than we do why things happen the way they do. These reasons He has not decided to reveal to us. Therefore, we need to trust God that He loves us, and even though we might suffer great loss, God is still in control. Sometimes, it comes down to trusting God beyond your ability to comprehend.”
-Matt Slick, CARM article “God’s Sovereignty”

My test continues, how will it end? Will I trust in His sovereignty or will I get stuck in my feelings?… Tune in to the next episodes of Journey to Contentment! lol
#StillSovereign

Supporting Scriptures
Psalms 115:3
1 Timothy 6:6-8
Daniel 4:35
Isaiah 46:10