It’s about time I’ve published this blog post! I’ve had this topic for almost 3 weeks now along with another topic but I’ve never made the time to sit and write. Unfortunately, I’ve been busy sulking around the house wishing that things were different. The past 3 days have been the worst of them all. As in any journey there will be some good days when life is great and I’m doing an awesome job at being content and my faith is on level 10 but then there are other days when I forget everything I’ve learned and all of the feelings of being an unaccomplished, inadequate, failure starts to rise up again.
We hear every day and have the knowledge that comparison is the killer of joy but for some reason, we still find ourselves low key comparing our lives to someone else. We don’t mean to but we always tend to see the grass greener on the other side while failing to realize the work that went into keeping the grass green. Even when we’ve grown past comparing ourselves to someone else we still tend to find something to compare to. I, personally, find myself comparing myself to the life I created for myself (does that make sense?).
Present day Charna at 26 is nothing compared to the 26 year old Charna I imagined and dreamed of in my head. Present day Charna has no career, no money, and nothing to call her own. “You’re still young!” I’ve been told, “You still have the rest of your life ahead of you!” I’m sorry but that line doesn’t work anymore, 30 is one blink away and honestly after all of the hard work I’m not feeling like I have anything to show for it. This is a strong feeling or mentality to rise above. I’ve been doing well for so long and out of nowhere, it’s like a huge weight has been thrown on my back.
I’ve had 3 opportunities presented to me in the last 3 weeks, everything was starting to look up. ‘Finally! my time has come’ I thought to myself… Let’s just say it didn’t quite work out as I thought it would and the disappointment opened up some wounds that I believed had healed.
The more I compared my reality with my dreams the more I longed for what I didn’t have. I didn’t accomplish the goals that I set for myself, weaknesses became magnified, I failed myself. The only thing I could do is cry since I was all out of options but through my tears I found comfort. I was reminded that like a puzzle all things will come together to make a beautiful picture and that I have found strength in all of my areas of weakness. The grace that I have in my life is sufficient for all of the hardships that I will come across as I continue to press and push towards purpose.
As long as reality continues to fight in the war of comparison with dreams one can never move towards making their dreams a reality.
There will be glory after this and it is in this truth that I find hope.
#StillSovereign
Supporting Scriptures
Romans 8:18-21
Romans 12:2
Isaiah 55:8
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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