5 steps in dealing with disappointments

 

 

Disappointment is one of those things in life that is inevitable. Most of them are really easy to bounce back from but some of them find a way to fester deep into our hearts, weighing so heavy until all we want to do is withdraw and sulk in our disappointment. I’ve spent some time in a sulking place and it was very natural for me to resort to unconscious self-defense mechanisms.  I grew cold and avoided any experience that would lead to another disappointment.

 

In the midst of yet another disappointing experience, I was reminded of unfulfilled promises from my childhood and came to a realization that this date further back than my current situation. The hurt ran deep and the only way I could move forward is to heal from my past. I had to come to accept that I will be disappointed but I can’t allow it to hinder me from taking risks or shift my focus away from my goals.

 

 

During this phase of healing, I am able to compile 5 steps that helped me combat the side effects of being disappointed. This isn’t listed in any particular order but every step is important in my process

 

Step 1. Acknowledge

Acknowledge that there is an issue. The emotions that are being experienced are affecting your life and your ability to move forward in a particular or even all areas of your life. As stated earlier, how I was feeling kept me from making decisions or taking risks that I believed may lead to another disappointment.

 

 

Step 2. Discover

Discover the root of the pain. It’s sometimes deeper than what we choose to believe. We experience what seem to be minor occurrences that manifest itself through our actions and responses. My root went all the way back to my childhood. My family didn’t have much money so there were many times when I had to sacrifice something I wanted with something I needed. Though I understood the circumstances and willingly obliged, the disappointment still resided. I never let it show to avoid placing guilt on anyone else.

 

 

Step 3. Determine

Determine how you respond after being disappointed. There are various outlets and there are no limits to expression. This includes but isn’t limited to rebellion, sexual promiscuity, isolation, alcohol indulgence, excessive sleeping, overeating, etc. These are self defeating responses and will only make matters worst. The first thing I noticed in me was a cycle where I had no motivation to do anything. I would withdraw from everything and wallow in the disappointment which then leads to me being disappointed in myself for allowing myself to get in that place. I would get encouraged, make a move, then get disappointed again, restarting my cycle. I had to learn to be intentional in responding in a way that developed growth and make conscious decisions to rise above disappointments.

 

 

Step 4. Develop

Develop a new perspective. The best way to change your choices is to change your mind. Disappointments, when handled accordingly, can be a blessing. It provides an opportunity to reevaluate yourself and it motivates new plans, visions, and goals. A disappointment on one path can lead to another path that has much greater rewards. In my case, disappointments lead to this blog which may encourage a reader. If something I learned during my process can help someone from going down the same path of self-destruction it is definitely worth the reward. Instead of asking “Why Lord?” I’ve learned to ask “OK, What do you want me to learn Lord?” or “What now Lord?”

 

 

Step 5. Find

Find your strength. I find my strength through prayer and knowing that greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. I’m also reminded that with me a lot of things are impossible but with God all things are possible. I find strength, solace, motivation, and encouragement in God’s word, the Holy Bible. He has also blessed me by surrounding me with individuals that push me and hold me accountable to accomplishing my purpose while on earth.  Disappointments put me in a position to seek God’s plan and methods rather than my own, I trust that His ways are better than mine.

 

If the disappointment didn’t kill you then it’s just giving you an opportunity to rise above it, Learn from it, and grow through it. With these steps it is my hope we all can experience a freedom from our past and can delight in a brighter future.
#StillSovereign

Supporting Scriptures
Philippians 4:6-7
Jeremiah 29:11
Hebrews 4:14-16
1 John 4:4
Matthew 6:33
Proverbs 2:1-10